GI Joe It’s terrible. The writing is worse than the original cartoon. There is no acting; None required, and none given. The CGI is fine, but the technology and science are beyond fantasy—incomprehensible and irrational. There are air battles underwater—with machine gun sounds. The female Joe—a very cute redhead—has a nice suit of skin tight body armor—just like the guys, except hers has nipples molded into it . . . not to put too fine a point on my criticism.
This movie seems to me to be the perfect example of everything wrong about Hollywood; it is bright and glittery and action-packed and shallow—completely devoid of content. To give this thing the critique it deserves I would have to have the DVD so I could watch and pause, watch and pause, and the length of my review would be fifty pages—easy. Either that or the Mystery Science Theater 3000 guys should devote a two-hour special to it.
One wonders if actors—and producers and directors for that matter—are not able to imagine anything about a movie when they read the script. Can they not tell how bad something is going to be? Or does it happen during the process? But then surely the editors can tell?
It should never have seen the light of day. Instead, they should have cut it into four half-hour segments and put it on Saturday morning television as a kind of kids mini-series. At least then we could change the channel.
This flick will appeal to the 8, 9, and 10 year old set, and the nostalgia set, and will make money, which is all this one is about. There is not one minute of genuine entertainment in it. Even the lines delivered for laughs are stilted, poorly shot and fall flat. At least Transformers was fun.
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